For the record I am well versed on gender stereotyping. I sat through a number of college courses on the subject and we do give our boys plenty of room to like whatever they like, even if that includes what main stream media feels is for girls.
They’ve had a cabbage patch doll since they were about that same size, they hang with Dora on a regular basis and I confidently proclaimed the Beauty and the Beast toothbrush to be perfect when the dental hygenist tried convincing my son to choose the CARS one instead.
So what’s the big deal?
Recently we were shopping for new eye glasses with Big Brother. At this particular store they don’t seperate boy styles from girl styles so he was sifting through them all and came up with his favourite pair. It had orange arms but around the rims was pretty much pink.
We encouraged him to keep looking, there was lots to choose from.
He set the pink pair near my purse.
“Maybe we can ask if they come in another colour” I suggested.
“I like pink” he responded.
hmmm….what to do.
In reality I didn’t want to buy him any ‘flashy’ pair of glasses. These will be on his face every single day for about 2 years. And kids change their favourites every other month. Simple is best. At a price tag of $200 whatever we brought home we were stuck with for the long haul.
But my heart still felt heavy. I knew that we were never going to let him pick a pink pair of glasses.
What would his friends say?
Would the kids at school tease him?
Would snarky adults laugh over his head and sarcastically tell him they ‘liked his glasses’?
Would he look back year’s from now on all the pictures of himself and yell at us for buying him pink glasses?
What was more important? Letting him choose the pair he wanted or protecting him from the rest of the world? The last thing we wanted to do was crush his individuality, but we feared his feelings were asking to be hurt. And the price of the glasses were just to high to take that chance on him refusing to wear them after one encounter.
In the end, we said no. He had to choose another pair. We didn’t even say the word pink, we just told him that they were really expensive and the pair we choose had to be mommy and daddy’s favourite too. We all had to agree on the pair and eventually we did.
Daddy also promised him that he could pick a new pair of funky sunglasses, any pair he wanted.
Look, parenting is a tough gig. We don’t have all the answers and we won’t always make the right decisions. But I think if you err on the side of loving your child, you can’t go too far of the mark.
I completely agree with everything you said. It’s always a tough choice when you have to decide between what you think is right and what the rest of the world thinks is right.
I would have done the same thing and said no to those glasses even if personally I didn’t think anything was wrong with them. I wouldn’t want my kid to be bullied by others because of a girly colour 🙁
thanks hun, this is one of those times when hit publish and cringe! thanks for the support!
I have to be honest, I’m as open-minded as they come. I saw a few boys wear bright pink socks at the play yard. It just didn’t look right! I also saw a boy in girly shoes with pink flowers. I think it’s just bullying waiting to happen! Most probably wouldn’t say anything, but there is always that one person…
However my daughter wears a lot of my son’s clothes, mostly at home, some outside (the ones that don’t look super super boy-ish). Like some of the comments below, it seems ok for a girl to wear boy stuff, but just doesn’t work the other way around..
That would most certainly be a difficult situation and I think you handled it very well. I have a girl so if the shoe was on the other foot and she wanted blue glasses, well we all know that wouldn’t be a big deal at all. It’s ok for girls to be “tom boys” but it doesn’t seem to work the other way around. It’s silly because associating pink with girls is a very, very modern tradition. There was a time where it was perfectly acceptable for boys to wear pink.
We are ok with certain things too like the time my son went to school and saved up his “school bucks” to buy an orange necklace. He is quite proud of it. We tell him that he has to keep it at home because we don’t want it to get lost.
lol Love it!
I had something similar happen recently. I had been promising my son that I would get an iron on image of some kind of his plain blue gymnastics t-shirt. He picked a very girly pink cupcake. I was torn – he’s 3. He likes pink, purple and cupcakes. I don’t think it matters and he has lots of pink and purple toys, but this was at the gym with other kids and…
I told him it was too much money and we had to go to another store. Where we have yet to go. Yeesh.
You know I tried telling myself it was the price of the glasses, but hearing this makes me realize it really is about the girly-ness, I would have vetoed the pink cupcake too.
You did a bang up job hon! I ran into the same problem with little girl when she was picking out her glasses. She wanted Spiderman ones that were super boyish. She told me she loved them & daddy would like them too (tug @ heartstrings here) but I just couldn’t let her get them. Unfortunately, she could read & understand the price thing so I couldn’t use that to my benefit – but since they were the first ones she picked up I told her I wasn’t a big fan of them & we should try on a few more pairs before we made a final decision. Thanksfully when she did try on the ones we finally bought she’d forgotten all about spidey.
I’m actually surprised Spidey wasn’t a go, must have been super boyish. but glasses are expensive so it’s not like she can change her mind on them right? and I think glasses really do need parental approval, it’s not a t-shirt or something temporary, it’s like piercing your ears or something, they are front and center every day.
Wow! What a tough situation for you guys! I very much think you made the right call and handled the situation perfectly!
thank you so much!
I think you did a good job mama, not making a big thing out of it. Those glasses sounded a bit wild anyways, I probably would have vetoed them for my girl child. 😀 It’s hard. I get frustrated and sometimes even angry by how much folks try and force pink girly things on my daughters, but in truth if they decide to dress in boy clothes and be covered in robots and pirates, no one looks twice. Whereas a boy with an obsession foro Disney princesses is going to have it a little harder/ Thanks for the reminder from the other side of the gender gap.
yes, I thought of you often over the last few days, I often think of you as fellow boy mama knowing your kids love pirates and trucks as much as mine. At a christmas party this weekend we saw lots of minature princesses dressed up for the event, if your girls are not into that it can be hard. Girls these days have princess shoved down their throats from the day they are born.
I really try not to make “boys will be boys” comments or define things by gender, but pink glasses would have been off my list too. One thing to paint nails – it comes off, but glasses are a long term commitment and kids change their minds so often.
Plus it would not matter if they were bright yellow, I would want something a little less “loud” as well.
exactly, I didn’t want anything loud or flashy in the first place!
My four year old godson wants to paint his new bedroom pink! He notices everything pink including my watering can. I love that you didn’t use the colour as a reason for not getting the glasses…very clever.
wow! did he get a pink room?
that’s a tough one. both my boys loved pink at one point – they got over it lol … and my husband’s an artist and his fav color is fuchsia. all good!
but you did the right thing, bc in the end he might have been made fun of and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.
I’m sure he will grow out of it, the funny thing is he has two favourite colours and the other one is blue! lol
I think you did a great job of avoiding the “pink” word and just sticking to other reasons as to why it wasn’t the perfect choice. I had a similar situation when it came to Ryder’s 4th birthday – we just decided to do a small party with family, so off we went to get an ice cream cake (felt like a $200 decision, those things are so expensive!) Well he settled on the pink flowery one… and I swear we were in the shop for at least 20 minutes while I tried to persuade him to go blue with cars. In the end I reminded him that the birthday cake was for his brother too (their birthdays are only a week apart so we always celebrate together) and I just grabbed the cake I thought was “appropriate”. He actually started crying in the ice cream shop! At the time, all I could think of was “I am NOT buying a pink flowery cake for my two boys” but I always think back and wonder if I was just feeding the stereotype. Ah well, the good news is that it was really delicious!
That’s just it, I keep thinking that I was just feeding into it and if we all stopped than it wouldn’t be an issue. If it was a girl and she wanted blue glasses or a spiderman cake I would have been all for it. I’m sure we made the right decision though. All three of my boys have birthdays within 10 days (and daddy too) so we know all about sharing cakes! lol
We went through something very similar with our son! He wanted a pink hat! We just couldn’t let him for fear of other kids making fun of him, etc. Yes, parenting is tough!
I think children should be allowed to like what they want. I have a very no-girly girl. She wouldn’t wear a dress or skirt if you tried to make her and I won’t either. I think she is awesome the way she is, and a son loving pink is awesome in my book!
I think it’s pretty awesome too, he actually has two favourites blue and pink!
I agree with Allyson on this on, in a world where society dictates everything we should do, how we should do it, how we shouldn’t do it, practically making us change who we truly are just to be “cool” and “in”, I find that the last thing we should be doing is telling our kids what they should and whousln’t like. it’s about letting them be who they want to be, no matter what, and teaching them how to embrace differences and really, who cares what other people think!?!? We need to let kids be kids and let them become their own person, regardless of what society think is acceptable!!!!
kudos, you are far braver woman than me if you are able to pay $200 on a pair of pink glasses for your son. it’s obviously not something I was able to do.
I think you gave the perfect solution. Like you said kids change their favorites about every five minutes. You have to look out for the best interest for your child but also for your checkbook. Good job.
Thanks Deb, appreciate it
You did a fantastic job of handling the situation! I think it’s totally ok with him liking pink but agree, Whatever pair of glasses you were to get he would be stuck with. I’m all about simple when it comes to stuff like that and I always take price into consideration.