This past weekend I attended the Blissdom Canada conference in Mississauga, Ontario. Women (and a few brave men) come from coast to coast to attend this popular social media conference each year, and 2013 did not disappoint. If anything, they upped their game! The wine flowed, the hugs were plenty and the laughter was infectious! From the amazing power hour to the closing keynote from Drew Dudley, each of us had our personal a-ha moments to take away.
For me, that moment came during Neil Hedley’s panel on Social Media Etiquette with guests @JesseLabelle, @Momastery, @GlenfordCanning and @cforde_litagent.
Earlier that day a friend had mentioned to me that the father of Rehtaeh Parsons was going to be speaking with us that day. I may or may not have met that with a blank stare. I am first to admit that I can live under a pretty big rock. I never watch the news, I only read the free local paper and thanks to my beloved PVR, I haven’t even seen a commercial in years.
“she’s the girl who was gang raped, and bullied” I was told.
“is that the story with the football team?” I replied
“no, this girl committed suicide”
“ohh..from the US?” I asked
“no, from the East Coast, from Canada”
Yes, it’s true. I am one of *those* people, who have that ‘not in my backyard’ mentality. It’s easy to walk through life pretending that the horrors of mass shootings and gang rapes are reserved for other countries, even though we know it’s not true. The other apparent problem is that there are so many of these horrific stories that I couldn’t recall which one this was. Not good.
And then Glen Canning walked into the room. And the little hairs stood up on my arm and tears immediately sprung into my eyes. I tweeted out that just being in the same room as Glen Canning brought me to tears and I was not alone. Tweets came back to me, telling me others were feeling the same way.
If there was a man on the planet who knows the price we pay for social media bullying, it’s Glen Canning. He spoke about the horrific way his daughter spent the last months of her life, and how he too is bullied for coming forward to speak up for his daughter, and for other victims of sexual assault and online bullying. If you saw my face during this panel, you would have seen wide eyes, jaw open and my head never stopped shaking. Seriously, it was absolutely unfathomable that humankind can be so hateful. I shoke my head constantly trying to register it all. This was not some late night news story, it wasn’t an over sensationalized television show. It was real. Rehtaeh Parsons was real. Glen Canning was real. He was sitting right in front of me, and he looked sad. This is the face of bullying, and while part of me wanted to crawl right back under that rock, I couldn’t look away.
IF YOU ARE NOT NICE ON THE INTERNET, YOU’RE NOT NICE
There will always be creeps and trolls and evil that lurks on the internet, that hides and cowers behind their computer screen trying their damndest to be cruel and remain annonymous. The wise Glennon Melton (The Momastery) likened this to tug of war struggle. The bully wants you to hang on to the other end of the rope. To get stuck there with them. But what happens if you let go of the rope? You are free to turn and walk away – and the bully falls on their ass. Thanks Glennon, that was the perfect description for a visual girl like me.
So if deceased girls, grieving fathers, kind hearted women and super hunky singers like Jesse Labelle (seriously ladies, it’s all kinds of crazy how attractive that man is) can be bullied, put down, hated and attacked online. Than anyone can. Than you can. Than I can.
So what can we do?
IF YOU’RE NOT PART OF THE SOLUTION, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM
Go forth and spread kindness on the internet. This was a reoccurring theme throughout the conference. Be kind. Be better. Spread that to your neighbour, your friends, your country. Lift people up. Support your friends. Have someone’s back. Stand up for something. Stand up for you. Stand up for me. Stand up for eachother.
*All photos used with permission by Anna Epp Photography, the official photographer of Blissdom Canada 2013.
What a wonderful post you’ve shared here! I’m proud of you for sharing it.
It is so sad and scary the things that go on all over the world, without us even knowing. Like you, I wash the news very little – whether this is a good or a bad thing, I doon’t know. The negativivty out there really gets to me.
Here’s to being good, to being nice and to stand up for what is right.
negativity really gets to me too, it haunts me. This panel made me nervous at first, but I was so so happy that it was completely focused on CHANGE. not all about the bad, but what can we do to change it.
Hey – you are not the only one living under a rock. Recently the Luv Luv and his cousin came to visit and we were pretending to be adults and have an actual conversation (what’s that you say? I am an adult?!) and his cousin brought up Kenya. The Luc Luv and she had a very adamant conversation with strong opinions and commentary on the issue. Then we went for dinner and his cousin left. That was when I went “so what’s up with Kenya?!” Yes – this was a few days after the mall in Nairobi (?) was taken and people had been shot etc. This was still before any action by the legal forces had been taken. And I was oblivious! So you’re not alone, I will locate us a big rock under which we can both hide from critical people (like the Luv Luv) who is aghast that I don’t normally read newspapers.
Other than writing that little blog to you – I agree – if you can’t be nice online, you can’t be nice anywhere else – the anonymity of the screen practically begs you to be more vulnerable and to let your guards down more than you would be IRL.
lol glad I’m not the only one! lol
Goose bumps reading this. So true. I am happy I missed this as I know first hand how hard online bullying can be, Having parented a few teens I have seen it first hand. But bullies grow and remain bullies even in adulthood 🙁 thanks for sharing
You would have enjoyed it, I promise. I know it made some people uncomfortable before they got there, but Neil handled the whole thing so well. It was a terrific panel and a good reminder to everyone in room, not just to be nice, but not to stand by when it’s happening around us.
I love your post hun! I was a complete coward for that panel. I didn’t go, because I wasn’t ready to cry. I choke up every time I think of whats happened on Canadian soil as it is. I’ll be sharing your post everywhere I can, ’cause this message needs to be heard loud and clear. *Hugs*
it hits a little too close and a little too hard when it happens here in our country. it scares me, I won’t lie. I’m still shocked that kids in our communities acted in that way. As much as we think the anti bullying message is getting through. it’s not.
Well put! I love the notion that if you are not nice on the internet then you are NOT NICE. So many people find it too easy to become “keyboard warriors” bring out the worst of themselves when they are online because the consequences are not “real”. But they are, there is a person on the other side of the screen, an HUMAN. And even if your opinions are different, you have no right to attack them.
Remembering to be nice, no matter the medium is a great lesson for all of us.
You can’t just be a nice person at some times in some places right? if you aren’t nice all of the time, you aren’t nice. I love that term ‘keyboard warrior’!
Well said! What a great post!
I cried as soon as I saw him walk to the stage! That talk was so powerful. I still cry thinking about it, and Glen and his daughter.
Thanks for sharing!
yes, I was soooo surprised by not knowing the entire story in depth, but I was crying before he even stepped foot on that stage. From one parent to another, my heart was crushed. and if it could happen to his child, it could happen to mine. Change is needed.
Jennifer, this is a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing it with the world. I would like to add you are not alone, I hide under the same rock. And until reading this I had no clue what happened. Thank you for bringing it to the front for me. I find the news just so negative it is hard to hold it all at times. Amen change is needed!
I’m the same. negativity can swallow me up so I try to take it in small doses. This panel sent a good message. I think most of us think we are nice people, but are we doing enough?
I wasn’t there and I’m sad that I didn’t catch the tweets live – but I have goosebumps. Tears in my eyes. That must have been life changing to be in that room. Incredible post Jennifer!
The whole conference was so powerful and inspiring. Very emotional, but this was a pretty big moment for me.
Wow. What was a powerful post. I think a lot of people forget that these words are real. Even though they are on the internet, they are very much real. I can only imagine what it must have been like to look at these people right in front of you and listen to their stories. A truly priceless life experience. Thanks for sharing their message with us 🙂
I think that was it Sarah, they were right in front of me. Hearing things or seeing them on tv or online has an impact for sure, but having that person sit right in front of you and tell you their sad story, made it all very very real. The hate he described was real, I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t. Glen is a strong man and so brave to keep sharing his daughter’s story.
So wasn’t expecting waterworks this morning! Awesome post and a great message, Darlin’. I’m so happy that I’ve had you in my life and having my back for all these years, especially thru the dark times. Love you <3
ditto! {hugs}
Great post! I was incredibly moved by this session as well. As soon as the panel was announced prior to Blissdom I knew it was going to be powerful, but I could not imagine how much of an impact it would make on us all. I was one of the people that instantly had tears in my eyes when Glen walked into the room, and every time he spoke. What his family has been through is unfathomable to any parent and I’m so amazed by his bravery and grace.
Such a beautiful post – perfect written! Loved the theme of the conference.