I was raised in a small town, I’m not sure the population was even big even to warrant the title ‘town’, so I’m pretty sure it was considered a village. And village would be a more appropriate name, especially when you think of the phrase ‘it takes a village to raise a child’, because it was true in every way. My parents knew every kid in our class, and their parents and probably some of their uncle’s and aunt’s too. We roamed the town limits freely, always knowing there was a house nearby we could pop into if we needed to. We never dared act out, knowing our parents would likely hear about it before we even got home. We always felt safe, and we always had friends we could count on. And then we left the village.
As young adults we found ourselves living miles away in a small apartment in the city. We said our marriage vows and began to hunt for our first home in nearby communities. We knew we wanted to raise our children like we were; in a small, safe environment ‘where everybody knows your name’ as the song goes. We picked out the perfect house, on the perfect quiet street and moved in what little belongings we had. We settled in and looked around optimistically, but didn’t know a single soul.
We’ll meet people once we have kids, we thought.
God blessed us with not one, not two, but three babies in as many years. I quit my job in the city, and we pretty much quit going anywhere because dragging three littles out of the house was all kinds of hell. I tried to join a local play group, but managing a newborn, infant and toddler on my own proved to be overwhelming and it was far easier to stay at home and stare at the walls. Having kids made us feel more isolated than ever.
We’ll meet people when the kids start school, we thought.
The first day my oldest son started junior kindergarten he came home with a birthday party invite in his backpack. The first day!! I spent all morning wiping random tears off of my face, replaying that image of him driving away from me on the big yellow school bus and now invitations to strangers’ houses? It was too much too soon for that party, but they made their way to others as the years went on. While the kids were off making new friends, us parents were still in the dark.
We’ll meet more parents when the kids start sports, we thought.
The kids got older and we started to put them into a few sports, skating lessons, one terrible year in t-ball, and then the boys asked to join soccer and we became part of a team. I was actually excited to meet the other parents, get to know them better, envisioned sitting on the side lines together, cheering for each other’s kids. But maybe we were too late to the village gates. It was immediately apparent that the other families knew each other well and saw each other often. They huddle together in lawn chairs chatting about the latest birthday party or play date their kids were busy with. Each week we step out of our comfort zones and plunk our chair next to the other parents. It’s not easy making friends as an introverted adult. But, our dream of ‘the village’ is slowing dying and while we wanted so badly for our children to grow and thrive in a small community like we did, we are coming to understand that you can’t recreate your past for your child’s future. We tried to give our family a cozy little community to grow up in, but what we have is front row seats to the glass wall that surrounds it.
Disclosure: Mom vs the Boys is part of the Schick Canada #MomsIntuition program and has received products and/or compensation as part of our participation.
that’s a nice photo
Thank you! I love it too, that was taken at Centre Island!
I never would have guessed. I was thinking East Coast
well that’s a pretty great guess because its the door of a lighthouse!
I totally understand! It’s hard to make friends as an adult, especially when I find most people just… so… fake.
I definitely like less people the older I get lol Maybe that’s the problem lol
Wow, I thought it’s only the recent immigrant’s problem! When we moved to Canada, we pretty much started from nothing, but we didn’t have time to make friends, we needed to survive, then we needed to feel secure with our jobs, then the kids came into view and everything I just read about in your post. And all we really have now is our little family.
oh yes, I can definitely see the similarities there! Thanks for pointing that out!
I really wish you lived closer to me Jen. We would be awesome friends, I think. I completely understand how you feel about finding it hard to find friends. It’s really not easy. I wish it was easier.
I watch my oldest son find friends to play with wherever we go and I think to myself, I wish it was that easy for adults lol
We would be great friends!
I so wish we lived closer. I totally get what you are saying, I have several close girlfriends, but none of them live in my town.
When it comes to knowing other adults in our neighbourhood that I would call friends, I can count them on one hand. I do have hope, I join the PTA at my sons school and it was a good way to get a first introduction to some new families, so we will see how things go…
I would love to live near you too, you are always out and about, I know you would drag my butt out there with you! (and I would thank you later for it of course!)
All I know that it is hard to make friends, and sadly I have no friends just acquaintances, sometimes it’s lonely and other times it’s better that way
I hear ya. You definitely never get stuck chatting during a quick trip the grocery store right? lol
I can relate to this post. I think it was my Mom who told me that I would make my best friends when I was young and it was harder to meet people and become friends when you’re older. Wish she wasn’t right about so many things.
It’s hard to believe when you are young and you have so many friends
I feel for you. I grew up in a village and it was marvellous, a city was only 40 minutes away by bus so we weren’t too out of the way. We could however all play together on the streets and went not far away to gather blue berries. It was a marvellous environment to grow up in. As time went on it got bigger and bigger and I don’t believe it’s the same today as it was back when I was a child.
sounds like the way I grew up, we had a great community to be raised in!
Interesting – coming from someone who grew up in the city. Our community was our neighbourhood. And still is. But many of my nearest and dearest friends aren’t anywhere around here. I met them online through sharing common interests.
I love this post. It is hard to make friends as adults, and especially if the other parents are all friends. You’re making your own history, which is great. And also, I live in a suburban community like that, and to be honest, a lot of the time the closeness is a bit too much. Sometimes it’s not so good to be in everyone’s pockets.
there is definitely such a thing as being too close to the middle of the circle, I agree. A happy middle ground would be good!
I grew up in a small town as well,i do love the photo !
I totally relate to this feeling — I’ve moved around quite a bit, and I’d say this our current neighbourhood is the only place that’s felt like “home.”
so glad you found a place that feels like home!